My professional skill set is kind of squishy. Meaning, it’s hard to explain. Most people can point to their skill set through their occupation: my husband is a software engineer, my sister is a nurse, etc. We know enough about those careers to understand the skills it takes to do them well.
But what I do best isn’t a formal career, it’s soft skills. I get people to work together even when they don’t really want to. I can find the message in a bunch of data and make it into a story. I get things done. I’m good at reading a room. I’m insanely organized. Basically, I’m a highly skilled generalist.
One of my former co-workers wanted to climb the corporate ladder, but she wasn’t being taken seriously as a “player”. She’s brilliant. One of the most competent people in her role I’ve ever met. She’s professional and has no problem asking for what she wants or showing why she deserves it. But that’s not always enough.
She’s fabulous at all the things you can see, but needed to work on the things you can’t. It’s worthless to have the best ideas if no one buys in. There are times when you need to be pushy and times when you need to be quiet. Executive summaries are often more effective than data dumps. Great leaders understand the skill level of the people they work with, and use that knowledge to bring the best out of everyone. They don’t have to be the smartest person in the room, they have to be the one that gets results.
Because we have a good relationship and she respects me, I was able to tell her all of that when she asked. As I was explaining this, her face lit up and then sharply fell. “Ok, I can work on all of that, but I’m not naturally good at it like you.”
Her comment felt weird, and it took me a minute to figure out why.
All of my “natural” abilities are coping mechanisms for mental illness.
Anxiety demands people skills. Naturally, I don’t want to work with other people or even be around them. But that’s just not the world I live in. So, I constantly analyze what is being said and what isn’t. That information makes it easy to work with people, to get buy-in, and to pull the best out of the people on my team.
Depression made me empathetic, and empathy makes me trustworthy. People tell me things they’d never tell their other coworkers or managers because they know I’m a safe space. I never betray their trust, and that information is critical to making things better or making things happen.
ADHD requires me to be organized, strategic, learn fast, and get things done. Distraction will end me. So, I have to make a clear plan, communicate it well, and finish as soon as possible or it just won’t happen.
In a way, I guess she was right. I’ve spent most of my adult life working on soft skills. While others were learning how to be technically excellent, I was learning how to get through the day without spiraling. As I continued to get better at surviving in a corporate arena, I got recruited into positions that demanded leadership, influence, and strategy (not so much technical expertise).
It would be so much easier to create a career plan if I had a strong technical background in any area. But, it’s also nice sometimes to be able to go almost anywhere and succeed.
Many, many people struggle with their mental health. Just because we can’t see an illness doesn’t mean it’s not there. For years I went undiagnosed and untreated for my mental challenges because I was a good student and had a steady job. It was that period that forced me to develop the skills I have.
A couple of years ago, a healthcare provider took a genuine interest in my mental well-being. Through a series of conversations and tests, they developed a treatment plan that changed my life. It’s like my brain finally got quiet. Flare-ups happen, but the battle is occasional, not constant.
I don’t know if mental illness can be cured, but I know it can be managed. If you’re struggling with mental illness I have three thoughts for you:
You are a brave and weary soul and I respect the hell out of you for doing such a good job. I understand what it takes to make you seem ok, and you deserve a freaking parade in your honor.
It’s allowed to be easier. If you’re like me and your healthcare providers say there’s nothing wrong with you because you’re functional, you might need to get a new provider. Treatment didn’t fix all of my problems, but it made it so much easier to be the best version of myself consistently. You deserve to be your best self too.
There’s an upside to everything. Being a-typical might just make you exceptional. If your brain doesn’t work like most people’s, it’s probably a good thing. Mental illness sets you up to see the world differently, and sometimes all it takes to change the world is for one person to look at something in a new way.
Mental illness doesn’t make you better than other people and it doesn’t make you worse. Everyone struggles with something, it’s part of being human. It’s up to you to decide what you’re going to do about it. You get to choose whether your struggles break you or strengthen you.
“Every adversity, every failure, every heartbreak carries with it the seed of an equal or greater benefit” (Napoleon Hill).